Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

A new definition of “Crime TV”

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

What the hell was that?!?!?!

The premier episode of Knight Rider was terrible.  I mean, really, really, really terrible.  The kind of terrible which can only be made when that much money is involved.

Straight off, the “Ford Rep” who insisted that it was necessary for force a Ford (F-150?) pickup into the show needs to be shot.  Preferably dragged into the street, beaten soundly, then shot.

Next, the drunken producer who felt the show needed a little “sex” and dreamed up the contrived excuse to get The Girl in her underwear…  First, good job.  Second, may you never work in show business again.

Finally, whoever wanted to add “mystery” by having Mike not remember his past (“Oh yeah, you asked to marry me 3 years ago.  Did I forget to mention that?”) I simply ask that the reproductive sterilization is complete.

Seriously tho, it’s freaking Knight Rider, it shouldn’t be possible to get this wrong.  Yet, somehow, they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

This should be taught in classes as an example of less is more.  It’s like children making television.  Everything is turned to 11.  I could be fine with KITT changing colour, that would have been fine – cool even, but no – he has to change into a freaking pickup or the ugliest muscle car ever seen.  One moment KITT is doing 377MPH, the next – he can’t catch a sports car.  What?  What kind of supercar is KITT suppose to be?

The writing on this show amounts to a legacy assassination.  I loved Knight Rider when I was a kid and so did you.  (Don’t lie, you did.)  I know it was 80′s television pap but in my mind’s eye it was awesomeness given shape and corny dialog.  What I needed from the new series is something to stand up to that.  And don’t tell me it can’t be done, Battlestar Galactia is a prime example that it can.  And it would have been simple.  Tone everything down to the point where we can believe it’s true-ish and it’d be remarkable.

The last shot of the car sums everything up perfectly.  You have the blood red of KITT’s scanners, the emerald green of the LASERS(!!!) and the deep blue glow from under the car.  Primary colours for toddlers.

If I had been there, I could have saved it.  I could have told them, I would have told them – “That’s stupid”.

And that might have made all the difference.

In Lane 3, Michael Jackson.

Friday, August 15th, 2008

Tonight on CBC while watching the “speed-walking” event:

CBC Commentator: “…you need to keep both feet on the ground…”

Anita: “Both feet?”

Me: “He means you need to keep one foot on the ground at all times.”

Anita: “Yeah, ’cause you can’t walk with both feet on the ground.”

Me: “Well…  you could Moonwalk.”

I leave envisioning the arrangements of a Olympic Moonwalking race as an exercise for the reader.

Daily Show going soft?

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

I thought tonights Daily Show was kinda weak.  Jon Stewart has never hid his support of Obama, but the coverage of the Wright controversy feels more like blatant campaigning.

What’s suppose to be satire to put a rational point of view about the whole thing feels more like they’re just pulling punches to spin this for Obama.  I don’t think they’d do that for anyone else.

I trust the Daily Show for honest political news more then anything else – ’cause it’s earned it.  I understand that it has a liberal point of view, but it usually cuts through all the rhetoric to point out just how funny/sad the truth really is.

But tonight caused doubt in me and I’m a little disappointed with that.

“Hey Look! A Dungeons & Dragons Ride!”

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

Dungeons & Dragons was one of my favorite cartoons when I was young.

It was just plain awesome. You had interesting stories with cool art. Dragons, demons, monsters of all sorts placed in a fantastic landscape with an over the top imagination.

It was just so much more fun then anything else on TV at the time.

But invariably all I could catch were the same episodes over and over. But now, thanks to a friend at work I have the complete series to watch on DVD.
I can’t wait! Hank the Ranger, Eric the Cavalier, Diana the Acrobat, Presto the Magician, Bobby the Barbarian and of course, my favorite, Sheila the Thief. I just love any cartoon that would put a red-head in a purple mini-skirt and thigh-high leather boots. ;)

Sheila The Thief

Olympic Bombshell

Monday, June 5th, 2006

Has someone else tested positive for steroid abuse?

Hell no, I wouldn’t even care.

Brian Williams is leaving CBC for CTV!!!

Once again, sports rarely make a blip on my radar but to me Brian Williams is the Olympics to me. Ever since the Atlanta bombings in ’96 when I stayed up with him late into the night trying to get more information about it. It just the way it’s suppose to be, ya know?

Sure, Ron MacLean gets the “glory” of the daytime stuff, but who’s watching that to begin with? Damn it, I got stuff to do during the day, the recap with Brian is where it’s at. What I love about Brian is that he’s not afraid to tell it how it is. Someone get’s caught doing something wrong? He’ll rip into them. I’ve always figured it was the late night time slot he felt he could get away with it, but it kept me coming back for more.

A lot of people complain about the CBC but I’m quite happy with it. For international events like the Olympics it only seems right that the national broadcaster do it. CTV has a lot to prove come 2010.

Is there any chance we can still have Brian for Beijing?

10.5 (Must have been out of 1000)

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

I half watched 10.5 tonight on TV.

Stupid, stupid movie.

I feel bad being part of the same species that made it. I am neither a seismologist nor a scientist, all I have is my high school science classes and broad interest in how things work, but the bastardization of science in that film is just painful.

It’s the sort of thing that gets written by the type of people who want to teach “intelligent design” in high school. I don’t really blame the actors, they’re just cattle, but at some point someone in the chain of command should have said

Wait a second, this is just stupid.

But no. Bush’s America has to be kept dumb.

*sigh*

Ignoring the technical problems, it’s still melodramatic and cliche-ridden enough to the point that a Script Doctor should have performed euthanasia.

Oh, did I mention they’ve made a sequel?

“Unit” is appropriate

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006

“Unit” is slang for something else.

The Unit” is a CBS “action/drama” which stars a military team on CBS. And I swear the writers have an American flag up their collective butts. It’s just that bad. It’s almost comical. Watching it is like being warped back to the 80′s with higher production values.

The Unit is The A-Team as invisioned by right-wing neoconservatives. I’m surprised that more stuff doesn’t blow up because it looks purdy.

The nicest thing I can say about it is that they spend a lot of money on it. Otherwise it looks like a Simpson’s nationalism joke come to life. (“USA! USA!“)

It’s no surprise that it comes from CBS, the network which brought us the show I dispise most: Touched by an Angel.

To kick off a television category, I should have started with my feelings on that particular show but what comes out when I try to rant about it is not much more then a guttural scream of fury.

But much like Touched by an Angel, The Unit flat out lies to people.

NO ONE on Touched by an Angel actually accomplished anything, 45 min’s of buildup leads to Deus Ex Machina solving everything without anything actually being done. The Unit makes lies about the totality of American influence and what can only be described as Bush’s New American Century. (Ok, so it’s not technically Bush’s, but do you really think that matters?)

God, I should stop right here before I waste too much of my time…. this show just isn’t worth it, but it’s going to be a hit. :-(